Big Pimpin Up At DBZ
by Bullshitting Penguins
Summary: Trunks is kidnapped by a gang of pimps! What will Vegeta do? Call for help of course! call the ghostbusters? NO call Goku! But what happens when our heroes are injected with bizarre rabid kangaroo saliva? A new type of transformation perhaps? (we require
1. Default Chapter

This story was written by geniuses, so we do not expect you to fathom the immense plot, and tangled character scheme…

This story was written by geniuses, so do not expect to fathom the immense plot, and tangled character scheme…

Disclaimer: We, the geniuses, do not claim to own the "Dragon Ball" characters. We do however, claim to own the kangaroos, the Caravan of Male Pimps Society (C.M.P.S.), and the rampaging leeches. If you dare try and use our amazing characters we shall have no choice but to sue you for enough money to buy the Folgers Coffee Company, which owning has always been an ambition of ours. 

Surgeon General's Warning: Do not drink, smoke pot, shoot heroin, or have unprotected sex while attempting to read this story for the fear that it might give the allusion that this story is good. As for when you are not reading, I don't give a damn. I have better things to do than worry about your health, I didn't go to med. School so that I can care about you personally.

Chapter 1 

"Who are you guys?" Little Trunks asked the ugly men that had surrounded him in the front yard. 

* Sung to the Y.M.C.A. theme *

"The C.M.P.S. (caravan of male pimp society)" Three of the pimpish looking men sing.

"We are the Caravan of Male Pimps society. We are officially kidnapping you for our _purposes_" the lead pimp says. 

"The hell you are, my dad is gonna…" Trunks started.

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Your dad is gonna come save your whiney little ass single handedly, and beat up our entire caravan of male pimp society." The leader replied to a pissed off little Trunks. Well, to make a long story short, There was this huge battle between the Pimps and Trunks, and Trunks had to go Super man, I mean Super Saijen. Unfortunately, all the sudden he had to go to the bathroom. So, in the brief moment that he stopped to take a whiz, the Pimps used an evil capsule containing a rabid kangaroo. The kangaroo easily overpowered the peeing Trunks, and they captured him in a burlap sack. Then they threw him in the pimp mobile and took off to the secret hideout. 

Once at the secret hideout, Trunks wouldn't shut up. So, the pimp guard was forced to brutally beat him with his pimp cane. Until The Pimp Boss arrived, Trunks was tortured brutally. Meanwhile, back at the Briefs house…

"Idiot Boy child! Get your whiney ass in here for your washing!" Vegetable said.

"I told you not to call him a whiney ass!" Bulimia said. 

"Shut up Woman! Do you think I honestly give a damn about whether Trunks learns the truth about his personality from me when he's eight or eighty?"

"You shouldn't make fun of him so much." Bulimia replied. 

"God, Kakarass had the right idea when he killed himself to get away from his wife and children. "Damn it, he's outsmarted me again! How can he appear to be so dumb, but in the end always beat me in power and brains?" Vegetable said. 

"He beats you in looks too, you're shorter than a pregnant snake. That doesn't matter now though, you can't grow tall but Trunks can get clean. Where is that little whiney ass?" Bulimia asked.

"How come you can…"

"Because I'm the one who suffers through sex with a loser like you. I can call your offspring anything I damn well please!" 

Anyhoo, underwear boy never came, so Vegetable had to go look for the little asshole. He realized he must have been kidnapped, but he figured if he covered for him, Bulma would never notice.

Several Hours Later…

Vegeta and Bulma were watching the late night news. Suddenly the Pimps took over the news station and announced that they had kidnapped a small boy, and that they wanted fifty-two new pimp canes as ransom. Then they flashed a picture of Trunks being harassed by a rabid kangaroo. 

"If the canes are not delivered to our secret hideout we will have fun with the boy. We can not give you the address of the hideout because it is secret. Thus, the _secret_ _hideout_ reference. Good Luck in getting him back. MooWahhhhahhhhh ahhhh!!!!" 

"Flying shit and casserole! You bastard! How dare you lie to me?" Bulma screamed. "Our child is surrounded by men like Krillin!!!! He will be completely screwed up!"

"Damn! I forgot that Krillin was a member! I don't want that bald fag touching my son! I suppose I will go rescue him. But, only if you sleep with me, _and_ don't make fun of my height or my pathetically small member."

"Fine let's get this over with. If we go as fast as your dick is small, then it will be done before we even start… I suppose we can. But then, You have to go get Trunks." 

"But I said no teasing me!" By the time Vegetable had finished this statement, Bulma had already screwed him. 

"Damn! Outsmarted again!" 

And so the search for Trunk's began. Vegeta searched the yard, but only found a strong urine smell. So, He flew off in some random direction pretending to know where he was going. After refusing to stop for directions, he wound up in Antarctica. He was pretty angry, but the massive blizzard from nowhere cooled him down.


	2. I can't remember what is in this chapter...

DISCLAIMER: We, the geniuses, do not own the Dragon Ball Z characters, however, we will sue you're pathetic asses if you take out ideas

DISCLAIMER: We, the geniuses, do not own the Dragon Ball Z characters, however, we will sue you're pathetic asses if you take out ideas. If we do sue you, we'll take the money and buy Land-o-Lakes Butter Company so that we can have all the butter we need for our popcorn. If we didn't have butter for our popcorn then Land-o-Lakes would go out of business forcing my father's business to go out of business starting a chain reaction so everyone in the US would be farmers. We would need lots of hats, so the US government would turn to the Australians. The Australian government would make the hat makers work too hard. So, if we don't get enough money to buy Land-O-Lakes the Australian hat makers would be working too hard. 

Chapter 2 

Vegetable was hit by a hailstone as big as his ego and plummeted into a freezing lake. 'Damn you Karcarass! This is your doing' the pissed Vegetable thought. As he froze, a Dragonball floated on top of the ice cube he was becoming. 'Hey! If I wish Karcarass back, he can get me out, help find Trunk's whinny ass and then I'll kill him! Hehehehhehehehehehhehe!' Vegetable evilly plotted. But, once again, he was outsmarted. He wished Goku back and then thought, 'NO! I could've used the Dragonball to get me and Trunk's whinny ass back to that woman's house! NO!'

Goku got Vegetable out and decided to get the others (Gohan, Piccolo, and Chi-Chi). "Goku! What are you doing alive? You're dead! Go back to being dead! You're not wanted around here anymore! Go away! NO! Now Piccolo and I can't get it on anymore! Aaahhh, I didn't say that…" Chi-Chi yelled. They traveled to an island to try and find the C.M.P.S. and rescue Trunks from Krillin and his male "companions." 

Suddenly, the rabid kangaroo bit Goku, Piccolo, and Vegetable. Then, as quickly as he came, was gone. "Mommy! What's happening to daddy, step-daddy, and the pervert that raped you?" Gohack asked.

"Who the hell cares? I wish you were bit too! I wish all of you were killed by that insane, pimp-owned creature!"

"I wonder who sent it after us?" Gohack replied. Both thought and couldn't think who would do such a thing. Transformations were upon the infected three, Goku yelled, 

"OH MY GOSH! WHAT AM I WEARING? I, Wonder Woman, can't be seen in such an atrocity!" Vegeta exclaimed,

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the cutest fairy princess of all? I am of course! *giggles*" Piccolo shouts, 

"I Sailor Moon, will protect all of you from evil! I will punish you in the name of the moon! Hiyaa!" 

"I think I will kill them myself," Chi-Chi mumbles. 


	3. WhooOPppY

DISCLAMER: We, the geniuses, do not claim to own the Dragon Ball characters, However, Funimation can no longer say they own them either because just recently the owners of Pokemon decided to use their bookoodles of money to buy Dragon Ball

DISCLAMER: We, the geniuses, do not claim to own the Dragon Ball characters, However, Funimation can no longer say they own them either because just recently the owners of Pokemon decided to use their bookoodles of money to buy Dragon Ball. They would like to use this opportunity to mention that from now on Goku and Vegeta will mate only with highly evolved pokemon, as so that new high power level pokemon may be created. Thank-you for your time. Also, If you happen to see Vegeta running around with a Squirtle sticking out of his pants, do not be alarmed. 

Chapter 3

So, now that the Pimps used their horrible Kangaroo to infect the powerful warriors with a funkadelic disease, all hope seems lost. (Not to mention all masculine feelings).

"With every little flower I touch, the birds will sing and the bees will blush! *incessant giggling*" Said Vegeta in a sing song voice. Currently he was playing in the clouds singing mindless elementary school songs, all thoughts of Trunks, and the fact that he is a male, forgotten. 

"Damn! That kangaroo must have bit Vegeta's dick off, because he doesn't seem to be thinking with it anymore…" Said a confused and amused Chichi. 

"Mommy, what's a dick?" Gohack asked his mother. 

"A question? Dare you ask a QUESTION?!!!!! You haven't been studying enough! We should get back home immediately!" The poor little Gohack was disappointed that he couldn't watch his father, tutor, and his mother's sex slave fly around pretending to be girls. He was beginning to hope that if they stayed that way, he wouldn't have to be the only gay one in the group. Suddenly his source of hidden power snapped as he turned on his mother.

"I may not know what a dick is, but I know what an ass is, and that's exactly where I'm going to shove all those damn books written in languages I can't read. UP YO ASS!!!!!!!"

" You wanna see ass little man? Bring it on I'll be happy to kick some around for you!" Just then, upon hearing the mention of Ass's, Piccolo came running. 

"I will please you with the power of a mooning!" Just then, he pulled his pants down and turned his big hairy green backside to Chichi and Gohack. He then began to blind Chichi and Gohack with an absurd Dance. To avoid the hideous sight, Chichi turned to look the other way, and noticed an abandoned pimp cane lying oddly positioned on the ground. Hoping to remind the warriors of their quest she shouted to them all about the suspicious clue. Just as she did this, a large secret place rose out of nowhere. All where momentarily stunned, except for Piccolo who was jumping around without pants singing the sailor moon theme song, at the large Pimp leading a team of mad leeches. 

"I'm the Pimpster/rapper, named Greggy Z. These are man eating leeches, you see here with me. They gonna eat you all, cuz yo discovered our layer, And knowin our secret just ain't fair. So here day go!" he says with a funky rap. 

Unfortunately, instead of attacking all the Z warriors, the leeches headed straight for Goku/wonder Woman. 

"Uh, Chichi, I think their attracted to me," Goku begins to turn a deep red. " I did just start my period you know. You wouldn't happen to be able to save wonder Woman, with a wonder tampon would you? Come on, help a gal pal out?" Unfortunately though, Chichi had a sinister plot. _I can let the leeches kill him and then I can be with my true love… ahh Drew the porn star. _Chichi had always had a thing for porn, and eventually she fell in love with one of the biggest porn stars around. With Goku around, she wouldn't be able to see him though. With these thoughts she powered up and threw a leech straight at Goku. 

"I don't have a tampon, but this ought to suck it up, Wonder Freak!!!" The huge leech went flying through the air straight at Goku, officially starting the first battle in the mission to rescue Trunks.

NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z: The fighting will begin, but will Goku survive when he gets a deadly hangnail? And will Piccolo find his pants, and the courage to face a pimp powered Krillin? And what about Vegeta, will he be able to help the distraught care bears? TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR DRAGON BALL Z! 


	4. Making out with a bunch of silly putty

Chapter 4 

Chapter 4 

As the rampaging leech sucked the life out of Goku, Chi-Chi sat holding Piccolo's pants. "Where are my pants?" Piccolo asked. Chi-Chi was amazed how stupid he was. She slapped them on him and they (being Gohack, Chi-Chi, and SM) followed a trail of pimp canes. 

"Look! The cake entrance! Mommy! Mommy! Does this mean we get Trunky-Wunky back? I missed our playtime!" Gohack had said too much. 

"TRUNKY-WUNKY!? PLAYTIME!? ARE YOU INSANE? Oh, yeah, you are... YOU'RE GAY! YOU SICK LITTLE FREAK ON A LEASH! WHEN WE GET HOME I'LL MAKE YOU DO HOMEWORK UNTIL YOU'RE 70! NOW NO MORE TALK OF GAYNESS!" 

"Now, now, solving problems with violence isn't the good way-" Piccolo was cut off by Chi-Chi's screams, 

"SHUT UP YOU FAGET! I PAY YOU GOOD MONEY TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND YOUR HORMONES UP!" She continued in silence towards the mouth of the cave. 

~meanwhile 

"The Care Bears need our help! Care Bear Stare!!!" Vegeta yelled out to no one in particular.

"I'll help you!" a masculine woman's voice shouted. It was none other than Wonder Woman/Goku. 

  
~meanwhile 

Krillin: Our plan is working perfectly.... what? intruders? 

SM: That's right! You'll never get the pimp canes! For I, Sailor Moon will punish you! In the name of the Moon! 

Chi-Chi: *sighs* 

As SM delivers a whopping blow, Gohack gets in front of the ecstatic bald pimp. 

Gohack: No! I love him! Chi-Chi faints... 

Will Gohan be able to over come his gayness? (no) Will Wonder Woman realize he is being controlled by the leech? (no) Will the Care Bears get help in time? (no) Will Trunks ever get his bath? (probably not) Will Trunks survive the rabid kangaroo raping him? (it's still up in the air) Find out on the next exciting episode of Dragon Balls A!


	5. LaLa, Poe, Tinkle, Dipstick, and WaWa......

Disclaimer: There's a place in France where the naked women dance

Disclaimer: There's a place in France where the naked women dance. There's a hole in the wall so the men can see it all, But the women don't care cuz they're in their underwear. I do not own dbz, but I have a funky flea, la de da de da… 

Chapter 5

As Chichi, Piccolo/sailor moon, and Gohack began to fight the evil pimp leader Krillin, Kakarass/wonder woman and Vegetable/pixy princess, were valiantly fighting against the rabid leech. 

"We must save the care bears!" Vegeta squealed.

"Don't worry, I, Wonder Woman, shall save us all!" Kakarass said in a masculine voice.

"No way your getting all the credit, Kakarass!" Little did the pimps know that the rabid kangaroo bite's effect was only temporary. Vegeta was unfortunately becoming himself again. Vegeta attacked the giant leech, but then thought better of it. _Why in the hell am I going to save Kakarass's ass just so that I can say that I want to be the one to kill him, when I know good and well that I will never defeat him? It is much more fun to watch him die, and then have the pleasure of poking him with a stick, then to tire myself out saving him…_ Vegeta thought to himself. So, with that Vegeta sat back, his old personality again, and watched the giant leech suck the life out of Kakarass. 

"Vegeta, help me! I… I … have a _hang nail!!!!_" Goku still wasn't himself. Vegeta let out a cruel laugh and decided to help out the leech. He fired a ki blast at Goku's back. The blast hit dead on and left Goku's back bare. 

"You jackass! You destroyed my wonder bra! Wonder Woman isn't Wonder Woman without wonder breasts!" Suddenly Goku blinked a few times and recovered his senses. "What am I doing with breasts? Man, look at those things! I'm better than Chichi! This wonder bra really works!" He said slightly confused that he was dressed in a woman super hero outfit.

"As for being better than Chichi, you didn't have much competition. That bitch is flatter than a rabbit on a highway, and as for your confusion, you should be used to the feeling by now. Anyway, we obviously were enslaved or temporarily infected with some mind controlling substance that turned us into freaks. I have no idea where the rest of the group is. More importantly though, I need to get out of this glittery skirt…" Kakarass, now completely normal, or as close as he can get, easily defeated the blood sucking leech. He then walked toward Vegeta, and they followed the trail that Chichi and the rest of the "Z gang" had left. When they entered into the secret lair, they saw Chichi kicking a bunch of pimp's asses, Gohack madly licking Krillin, and Piccolo swinging a pimp cane at anything that moved. Suddenly Piccolo moved toward Gohack and began beating him off of Krillin.

"Yo, mondo cool! I may be a pimp, but I don't go for kiddy porn, well, maybe I do, but just a little." Kakarass, seeing his son fall unconscious to the floor, went into a berserk transformation. His dick enlarged until it was hanging around his knees, and he became bald. 

"What the hell? This isn't how my transformation is supposed to go!" Kakarass screamed.

"It's probably just a side effect of that kangaroo bite. You know, seeing as this is the middle of the battle, and it looks like we are loosing, how about I go into a long, whiney ass story about my horrible childhood and how my planet was destroyed?" Vegeta asked with a hopeful sound in his voice. 

"NO! Just shut the hell up, and fight you moron! Nobody cares about your mysterious past, or how your father sold you into slavery. We don't care about your pathetic problems!" Chichi screamed. 

"Who pissed in your cornflakes?" Vegeta asked irritably as he reluctantly began to fight. 

And so the battle continued with Vegeta, Chichi, and Clarinet, I mean Piccolo, fighting the pimps. Gohack was still unconscious, and Kakarass was running around in his wacky new transformation.

NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z: I don't give a damn what happens next! I'm just some homeless guy that they pulled from off the streets! I don't know who these people are, or who I am. One minute I'm in the homeless shelter, and the next I'm trapped in here! For god sakes somebody, anybody, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
